Princess Fiona’s Weblog

Yes, i do want my freedom back. Freedom to write what i want to write. whatever i want to write. And I dont want anybody to read that. I guess i’ll go back to my good old diary days. Enough of blogging.
I do wish to thank BD though.. Thank u for all those conversations.. Talking to u made a lot of difference. it helped me come out of my dependence on the blog.. Thank u.
As always, i m really thankful to all my friends.. for being there. The feeling is too immense to be put into any words. i’ll just leave it at that.

So long, friends..

Its surprising – the strength of passion. Passion for anything.. a person, a book, a fantasy, a dream.. anything. And its surprising how it defies reason and logic.

I dont know what is reasonable, though.. to do what u r supposed to do – going about ur daily life, pursuing ur bigger dream, or just living in the moment – doing what u feel like doing, and doing it right now.. all the seemingly foolish and senseless things..

Why cant i read something when i want to read it? why do i have to adhere to the restrains of day and night, wednesday and sunday?

I dont want to worry abt others. I want my freedom back.

(yes, its been many days since i’ve had time to sleep properly… but the contents of this post, or of any other post for that matter, have nothing to do with that totally irrelevant statement. :p)

Stories, good or bad, long or short, happy or sad, have one thing in common – they all have an end. There r lots of things which happen, and then they end.
Our lives, in contrast, just keep going on and on..

Unlike stories, which are in black and white, our lives seem to exist in shades of grey.. No sharp boundaries between right and wrong, good and evil, love and hatred, peace and war.. just a huge blob of grey. Some bright days and dark nights do exist here and there, but mostly we seem to be living in the twilight zone..

Starts getting boring.. doesnt it? there r lots of things to do, of course, but it amounts to the same thing – the difference between eating to live and living to eat..

I would’ve preferred to be a part of some short story instead.. with some action, and a neat end.

I seem to have arrived at the wrong sets by mistake..

I am happy to be back. Back to where i belong. To my lab, to my work, to the other group of friends. Happy to see everybody welcome me back with open arms. Yes, this is where i belong.
Things are so different from my last arrival.. yes, what was there with me all the time, what helped me survive when i was too new to feel at home, too skeptical to make new friends, too unaccustomed to the new work to be occupied by that, and totally lonely, that is not there with me any more.
But then i didnt come to an unfamiliar environment this time. I came home. Back to my lab, my dept, my neighborhood, where ppl know me, where i have friends. And i have my own independent life.

Perceptions. I feel i’ve come full circle. Again it seems that its all abt perceptions. Things around u remain the same, but how they affect u depends on how u perceive them. There has been one little addition to my fav theory though.. I used to think that there was a contradiction in this theory – if perception was so imp, as i always thought it was, then why was I ever sad/unhappy/upset? Why couldnt i make myself feel good all the time?
What i’ve realized now is that even though how something affects u still depends on ur perception, it doesnt necessarily mean that u can consciously alter it. There r so many factors which determine our psychological state.. one of the most imp factor being the hormones. I dont know abt guys, but for females, i’ve come to understand, it can be the most imp factor in determining how u react to something. So imp that it feels scary.. why is our ability to see things in the proper light influenced so much by these few molecules floating around in our systems, which we have no control upon? There must’ve been some reason to select this weird phenomenon over the course of evolution, i just somehow cant see what it might’ve been..

So apart from all other goodies, all i need to get that spring back in my step is the right concoction of hormones sitting merrily on their little receptors..